Went to space to visit the colonies. Apparently they have a pretty cool webcomic within a webcomic on their spaceinternet. It’s called Sweet Amuro and Hella Char, and basically chronicles the adventures these two chumpsticks have during the 1 year war.
I was hoping this was how the events would turn out. It wasn’t
I hear these words, and the first thing that comes to mind is flying sumos. Understandably, when I heard that my next job required me to infiltrate a street fighting tournament I was pretty hesitant.
The day of the tournament, I went to enter. There wasn’t so much a registration desk so much as there was a behemoth of a man wearing a ball and chain around his wrist like a watch.
“So you are entering this tournament alone liddle child?” the behemoth inquired. I was so nervous that I had lost my entire sentence. I could just stand there like a fool, but luckily a large musclebound man came to my aid.
“Comrade! You are almost late! We must go fight for ponies!”
Luckily that man was my partner for the tournament. I wouldn’t be able to compete in a tag team tournament on my own, so I had asked one of my associates from a previous heist to join up with me.
“Haha fancy meeting a great hero like you here” he said. Then to the behemoth he replied “Yes, I am Edorado, and this puny fool here is A Common”
I managed to squeak out a pitiful “Oh hi” to the behemoth, though he didn’t acknowledge me.
Our first round was against two famed karate masters. They had rushed Edorado shortly after the match started, he managed to tag me in before they could finish him off. When they saw that I was their current opponent, they had tagged as well. ‘Oh man’, I thought ‘things are getting interesting!’. Sadly the fight was anything but interesting. The karate masters just kept coming in with uppercuts. After I had blocking the first couple, I sat there countering each one of their hits. Unit was my disgust.
Shortly after, we had one the first round. We were getting closer to the prize - A seemingly magical horse -. I’m not sure why I have to gather these ‘ponies’, but the possibilities for their misuse worry me.
When we were scheduled to begin our second fight, we encountered some trouble. In our absence the ‘coliseum’ (actually more of a run down bar) had caught fire. We pushed through the blaze to the barn; I was determined to obtain that horse through any means necessary.
Edorado splendidly danced through the barn door. “It is I, Edorado, King of dan-se!” What was to be an amazing entrance was ruined by a man wearing goggles staring at Edorado in disgust.
“Hey! Assbutt! Get away from that horse!” I declared as I entered the barn through the hole Edorado created. The time for appearing classy was ruined, so I had to make do with compound insults.
Before we could properly react, the man in goggles started kicking ferociously at Edorado. Edorado was able to defend against most blows, but fell to the axe kicks that were dispersed throughout his onslaught. As Edorado fell, I knew what had to be done by me. It was time to be The Man.
As the goggle-man’s attention turned to me, I sidestepped his initial attack, and immediately counterattacked. Unfortunately, the smoke was interfering with my sight, and I fell over the goggleman as he was crouching to avoid my flipkick. As I got up, I fell victim to the same fate as Edorado. Just as I was about to become unconscious, I managed to hit his foot as he attempted to deliver the final blow.
With no other people in my path, I proceeded to place Edorado onto the horse and ride out of the burning building.
In the end, I’ve managed to obtain another horse, and possibly the entire hatred of underground fighting operations everywhere. What happened that night is a complete mystery; why was the building burning? why was a jackass with goggles in the stable? Maybe I’ll find out one day. Until then, I’ll have to guard these ponies from any interference until I can deliver them.
The acquired horse: named Fluttershy by my contractor, and myself: still donning my disguise
22:48 - I embarked on my journey under the cover of night, there was poaching to be done.
22:56 - The roads still coated in ice from the warm weather earlier this week made traveling by foot treacherous. Nonetheless my quick thinking allowed me to obtain a decent footing on solid ground. I had almost been spotted by a wandering farmer; being spotted then would have cut short this elaborate heist.
23:04 - I managed to escape the town unseen, and began my way to the ranch. As I followed the main road, I was completely safe. Surely nobody would suspect an equine trotting along the road.
23:31 - Upon arriving at the ranch I saw some familiar faces; my accomplices were in place. Our heist would soon begin.
23:32 - I had never seen a pony in its natural habitat before. The air was thick with grease, no doubt the ponies would have adapted to this habitat. I began to wonder what effects shipping it 1000 kilometers away would have on it.
23:35 - Our trap was sprung. On its way to its new owner, one of my accomplices redirected the pony in my general direction. As it made its way to the front counter my second accomplice managed to bundle it with the package I had purchased to avoid suspicion.
23:36 - My cover had almost been blown by an acquaintance of mine. Luckily I managed to convince him that I was somebody else.
00:23 - I managed to return successfully, and with the prize.
00:24 - Fluttershy seems to be acclimating to her new habitat nicely. The lack of grease seems to be quite pleasing to the horse.
??:?? - One day, this horse will be sent on a journey to a wiseman. I will remember the adventure I took part in to smuggle it to him, though the horse will know naught of my deeds. Such is the duty of a great hero.